“Oh no you didn’t,” says you.

“Oh yes, yes I did,” says I.

We’re doing a roast for Easter. Roasts are generally excused by the fact of it being a Sunday, or the fact of being hung over and in need of grease and stodge, or the fact of wanting a roast and so you shall have one etc.

Roast. Happening. For Easter. Because.

Carrot cake has absolutely nothing to do with a roast, but it’s related to Easter if you go down the cutesy bunny rabbit route.

This particular carrot cake also works if you go down the more Pagan, randy bunny rabbit route – spring, sunshine, frolicking, shagging… It’s a joyful, romping obscenity of a cake. It’s gorgeous. And unlike most obscene things, totally child friendly. If you’re willing to let the little buggers near it, that it.

Nothing unusual about it, really, it’s just…. So. Good. So good it’s bad. Dirty, even.

Moist, tender cake with bursts of sweet sultanas, the bite of walnuts, an indulgent, tangy, maple cream cheese frosting, topped off with crunchy, savoury seeds. It hits your tongue in all the right spots, will elicit moans of pleasure, and will definitely have you begging for more.

Utter filth.

Pure genius.


Naughty, naughty alchemy.

To those wondering why carrot cake is sometimes known as ‘passion cake’, make this, and find out for yourself.

Carrot Cake with Maple Cream Cheese Frosting
Adapted from Rasa Malaysia, frosting adapted from the Hummingbird Bakery.

Yield: 12 cupcakes.

Cake ingredients

  • 1 cup Plain flour
  • 1 tsp Bicarbonate of soda
  • 1/2 tsp Salt
  • 1 tsp Ground cinnamon
  • 1/4 tsp Ground nutmeg
  • 1/2 tsp Ground ginger
  • 1/2 cup Castor sugar
  • 1/2 cup packed Light brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup Sunflower oil
  • 4 Pineapple rings/slices (tinned – in juice, not syrup)
  • 1/2 tsp Vanilla extract
  • 2 Large eggs, room temperature
  • 1 1/2 cups Grated peeled carrots (from about 3 or 4 large carrots)
  • 1/2 cup Walnuts
  • 1/4 cup Sultanas (or raisins)


Preheat oven to 180°C.

Lightly roast the walnuts on a baking tray or in a frying pan for about 5 minutes. Leave to cool before chopping or processing finely.

Whisk the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ground ginger in a medium bowl until mixed thoroughly. Set aside.

Place the pineapple slices in a blender with a little of the juice from the tin. Puree until smooth and set aside.

In a large bowl, mix the sugars, pineapple puree, and oil until well blended. Beat in the eggs, one at a time. Gradually add in the flour mixture and mix until blended. Stir in the vanilla and the grated carrots, then the walnuts and raisins.

The batter will be runny. Fear not.

Divide the batter between a 12-hole cupcake tray, filling each hole to 3/4.

Bake the cupcakes 14 to 18 minutes, or until a tester inserted into the centre of one comes out clean.

If you don’t have a kitchen timer, just set your kitten timer. He squeaks to remind you there’s cake in the oven – and will guard your mixing bowl while you get started on the washing up.

Or so he would have you believe…

Let the cupcakes cool in the pan for about 2 minutes, then transfer to a cooling rack. They’ll be very moist, so shouldn’t stay in the pan for too long because the humidity will wreck the liners. Trust me.

Let cool completely before frosting.

Speaking of frosting…

Maple Cream Cheese Frosting


  • 300g Icing sugar, sifted
  • 50g Unsalted butter, at room temperature
  • 2 tbsps Maple syrup
  • 1/2 tsp Ground cinnamon
  • 125g Cream cheese, cold

Mix the icing sugar, butter, syrup, and cinnamon together on medium-slow speed until well mixed.

Add the cream cheese and mix until smooth.

Continue mixing, on high, until the frosting is light and fluffy, at least 5 mins.

Do not overbeat, as it can quickly become runny.

Top with a sprinkling of mixed savoury seeds (usually a blend of pumpkin, sunflower, sesame, hemp, and linseed) and a walnut half. Looks pretty, and adds a punk rock, savoury chomp to the maple and spiced cake.

Punk rock.

Bad never tasted so good.

From my alchemy lab to yours, may you have a happy (filthy) Easter.

Boing, boing.

See you in the recovery position, yes?

Until then…

2 thoughts on “Easter obscenity cake

  1. Pingback: Poppies… Poppies Will Make You Eat (This Cake) | baking & alchemy

  2. Pingback: Miniature indecisive genius cakes | baking & alchemy

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